The Anthem

I'm gonna need you to raise your glass,
I don't care what you put in it.
Here's to nights that you can't take back,
we live hard but we love to laugh.

We all thought that we'd get rich fast,
hop the plane out for greener grass.
Found out the green is cash,
don't compare to the friends that last.

See, we won't forget where we came from
The city won't change us
We beat to the same drum
No, we won't forget where we came from
The city can't change us
We beat to the same drum, the same drum

And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.
And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.

So here's to the cheap sunglasses
Redbull and minivans and
people who had your back when
the world didn't understand.

See, we won't forget where we came from
The city won't change us
We beat to the same drum
No, we won't forget where we came from
The city can't change us
We beat to the same drum, the same drum

And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.

And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.

When ties loosen,
we're losin' touch,
and fading away,
we'll still be raising our cups,
to the same damn things.

Oh no, the city won't change us
Oh no, the city won't change us
Oh no, the city won't change us
Oh no, the city won't change us
won't change us

And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.
And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.
And no matter where we go
We always find our way back home.

We always find our way back home

Yeah, we always find our way back home.

Being a Superhero

I've been wondering what it feels like to be a superhero.  My question is: Beneath this greatness, can a superhero

break? 

What happens when every day, you live your life in efforts to constantly save other people?  You work hard in doing what you think you do best. But what happens when things backfire? What happens when you fail? What happens when the superhero slips up and her fear of bringing people down with her is at risk of coming true? What happens when beneath the superpowers and earnest effort to be the best superhero she can be, she realises that she almost forgets

that she is human.

And because this job has grown on her and the people around her, it becomes a setback, maybe even a surprise, at moments when her human side flickers in her actions--the superhero takes a break, sleeps in, gets there a minute late, falls,

fails.

I wish I could give that superhero a hug and tell her that I am here.  I know how it feels to work so hard and put all your heart and even more into being a better superhero and come back at the end of a tiring day to a world that sometimes acts like nothing's changed, that doesn't see everything behind what you've done, why and how you do what you do.  The superhero needs to know that I understand that her discovery of her superpowers and her compulsion to share it with the world was what made her think that she could do this.   And I would say, she was and is right. But I want to remind her that just because she is a superhero, it doesn't mean she has to forget to

save herself.

It doesn't mean that the superhero isn't entitled to have feelings of her own even if they may be unpopular ones like sadness, anger, frustration, and dissatisfaction.  And to know that having superpowers doesn't mean being invincible to the unpredictable, difficult, and gravely fleeting nature of life--you cannot control everything in your path.

Dear superhero,

It's tough, I know--wrestling from taking the easy way out and just throwing down that red cape forever.  But every day, you choose not to.  Remember that you can be a superhero but sometimes, you are allowed to

be human too. I know

because I am just like you.

Project Malaysia 2014: My Thoughts!

This is a little blurb I wrote, at the end of the South East Asian Leadership Network (SEALNet)'s Project Malaysia 2014 which I was involved in, as a form of reflection that our team leader encouraged us to do.  It definitely is far from everything I have gained and experienced from the trip but it'll give you a snippet of the ridiculous two weeks that occurred.  This was my fundraising page that perhaps shows my excitement in the focus of education and leadership in this project--something very close to my heart.  Enjoy the pictures too! :D

Upon arriving at KLIA 2!

At the beginning of this project, we were asked to think about what we want to learn about ourselves.  If there is one thing I learned from this project, it would be that true learning never happens in one direction.  I came into this hoping to help others learn but walked out of Project Malaysia 2014 having learnt just as much from the people I have met, if not more.  My team mates, the 4S high school students, friends from Rita Home, and the unassuming stories I have found in them have been the source of my greatest lessons.

I remember a particularly rough late-night discussion between the SEALNet team—we were all beyond sleep-deprived, worried about the next day’s workshop plan, and planning to call it an early night.

But upon receiving unsettling news that challenged our initial plan for the Rita kids, there was something in the refusal of the entire team to call it a night in the midst of all the sweat, tears, and frustration at their peaks that made me smile—their passion, resilience, and how much heart they sincerely had to offer the mentees, our friends from Rita, and this entire project through their actions inspired  me to keep improving myself.

Says it all.

Having been a Malaysian high school student before and having watched my team mates in action, I have found the beauty in always trying to meet the students wherever they’re at—forging genuine friendships with them instead of acting as a superior to them.

Just thought I'd include our selfie with the monkey.

Dancing the macarena as we entered the Rita home.

I remember meeting a high school student by chance, who wasn’t initially part of PM’14.  He told me his interest in being involved but explained his low self-esteem in his ability to speak English.  I wasn’t sure where this would lead to but took a chance and kept talking to him and encouraged him to keep coming back, at first in Malay, and then, slowly with some English.  His occasional visits turned into regular ones and soon, he actually became part of the official team!  After interacting with more and more of the mentors, he was able to find the courage to tell an entire story of his high school life in English! 

His family!

Also, I recall one of the usually quiet workshop periods when we opened the floor to ideas and comments.  I remember my mentee quietly whispering to me, “I think I should say something. I’m going to raise my hand.” My eyes grew wide and unblinking, trying to suppress the excitement and pride I felt at that very moment, “Yes, yes, go, go!” And she did it.  She spoke up.  I was beyond beaming.

WATERMELONNNNNNNN
defined part of me and my mentee's relationship. Don't ask.

Another unsuspecting moment happened when I was sweeping the hall of the Rita Home during lunch when one of the girls from Rita, who had been observing for the past 10 minutes, came up to me and asked if I had eaten lunch.  I told her I would eat after I’m done but she was unconvinced.  Swiftly, she scooped up the heap I was sweeping and told me to go in to eat.  She’d take care of it, she said, and walked towards the trash can, without looking back.

Atikah! Thank you for your beautiful stories.

These stories may seem simple.  Maybe even a bit insignificant.  But I think I speak for the whole SEALNet team, working on a project that had its unique set of challenges, that these little moments in the day are what we live for and find pride in.

Our resilience as a team made the act of stubbornly putting the interest of the kids above our needs for sleep and frustration over mosquito bites easy.  There was a lot of heart given in striving to build their self-esteem, empathy towards others, and courage to ask for help when they needed it.

Our mentees bravely presenting their SEALNet Junior Club plan. So proud.

It also took a lot of patience in knowing that we cannot accomplish everything in two weeks but we can accomplish many little things as best we can. And perhaps, some faith in the power of little moments just like these that have the potential of becoming something bigger and surprising us in moments when we least expect it to.  Just have a little faith.

Pertika--what a beauty.

Human Stories

Learning and the process in which humans learn have been things that have always been the center of my fascinations throughout my life endeavours (I sound old).  It has taken me 20 years (yeap, pretty old) to realise this core appeal that has existed in many of my adventures--questions I posed to myself, wondering what was it that kept me coming back to things that most of the time, aroused much fear and uncertainty?  My first year at Hampshire might have helped me shed some light on what and where my passions lie.  

I am eager to dive back in this coming year and discover even more about myself, and in extension, the world--the people living in it and the stories they carry with them.

"Do not despise your inner world. That is the first and most general piece of advice I would offer… Our society is very outward-looking, very taken up with the latest new object, the latest piece of gossip, the latest opportunity for self-assertion and status. But we all begin our lives as helpless babies, dependent on others for comfort, food, and survival itself. And even though we develop a degree of mastery and independence, we always remain alarmingly weak and incomplete, dependent on others and on an uncertain world for whatever we are able to achieve. As we grow, we all develop a wide range of emotions responding to this predicament: fear that bad things will happen and that we will be powerless to ward them off; love for those who help and support us; grief when a loved one is lost; hope for good things in the future; anger when someone else damages something we care about. Our emotional life maps our incompleteness: A creature without any needs would never have reasons for fear, or grief, or hope, or anger. But for that very reason we are often ashamed of our emotions, and of the relations of need and dependency bound up with them. 
...
We are all going to encounter illness, loss, and aging, and we’re not well prepared for these inevitable events by a culture that directs us to think of externals only, and to measure ourselves in terms of our possessions of externals. 

What is the remedy of these ills? A kind of self-love that does not shrink from the needy and incomplete parts of the self, but accepts those with interest and curiosity, and tries to develop a language with which to talk about needs and feelings. Storytelling plays a big role in the process of development. As we tell stories about the lives of others, we learn how to imagine what another creature might feel in response to various events. At the same time, we identify with the other creature and learn something about ourselves. As we grow older, we encounter more and more complex stories — in literature, film, visual art, music — that give us a richer and more subtle grasp of human emotions and of our own inner world. So my second piece of advice, closely related to the first, is: Read a lot of stories, listen to a lot of music, and think about what the stories you encounter mean for your own life and lives of those you love. In that way, you will not be alone with an empty self; you will have a newly rich life with yourself, and enhanced possibilities of real communication with others."

- Martha Nussbaum

And that, freakishly sums up my next quest in college--and life, actually.  Simple, right (I'm still deciding if that is meant to be irony).

The Good Life

Thoughts of Martha Nussbaum, a philosopher I knew nothing about but whose words I read in passing and felt compelled enough to share. Because I saw a little of my thoughts in hers, as well.

"MOYERS: The common perception of a philosopher is of a thinker of abstract thoughts. But stories and myths seem to be important to you as a philosopher. 

NUSSBAUM: Very important, because I think that the language of philosophy has to come back from the abstract heights on which it so often lives to the richness of everyday discourse and humanity. It has to listen to the ways that people talk about themselves and what matters to them. One very good way to do this is to listen to stories. 

... 

To be a good human being is to have a kind of openness to the world, an ability to trust uncertain things beyond your own control, that can lead you to be shattered in very extreme circumstances for which you were not to blame. That says something very important about the human condition of the ethical life: that it is based on a trust in the uncertain and on a willingness to be exposed; it’s based on being more like a plant than like a jewel, something rather fragile, but whose very particular beauty is inseparable from its fragility.

... 

Being a human means accepting promises from other people and trusting that other people will be good to you. When that is too much to bear, it is always possible to retreat into the thought, “I’ll live for my own comfort, for my own revenge, for my own anger, and I just won’t be a member of society anymore.” That really means, “I won’t be a human being anymore.” 

You see people doing that today where they feel that society has let them down, and they can’t ask anything of it, and they can’t put their hopes on anything outside themselves. You see them actually retreating to a life in which they think only of their own satisfaction, and maybe the satisfaction of their revenge against society. But the life that no longer trusts another human being and no longer forms ties to the political community is not a human life any longer. 

... 

Tragedy happens only when you are trying to live well, because for a heedless person who doesn’t have deep commitments to others, [the conflict in making impossible choices between multiple things we hold dear] isn’t a tragedy… 

Now the lesson certainly is not to try to maximize conflict or to romanticize struggle and suffering, but it’s rather that you should care about things in a way that makes it a possibility that tragedy will happen to you. If you hold your commitments lightly, in such a way that you can always divest yourself from one or the other of them if they conflict, then it doesn’t hurt you when things go badly. But you want people to live their lives with a deep seriousness of commitment: not to adjust their desires to the way the world actually goes, but rather to try to wrest from the world the good life that they desire. And sometimes that does lead them into tragedy."

But that's okay.  (this mysterious guy, Jesus, told me this too) Because as humans, we do what we do best: have faith and carry on.

"Most of the time, the two 'enrich each other and make the life of each of them better.' But sometimes, practical circumstances pose such insurmountable challenges like an important meeting and your child’s school play happening at the same time — one of these two priorities inevitably suffers, not because you are a bad parent or a bad leader, but because life just happens that way. Therein lies the human predicament — the more we aspire to live well, according to our commitments and priorities, the more we welcome such tragic choices. 

And yet the solution isn’t not to aspire."

INFJ

Probably a year ago, I stumbled upon the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a kind of personality inventory.  I'm never one to truly believe in them or to ever find a result that truly fit who I thought I was.  But the results for this one has been an exception.  I felt a lot of the weird thoughts, mental conflicts, and habits I have found in myself were reflected in the personality type I got, INFJ.  Not 110% infallible but I think it's something I wish I had known to better understand myself a long time ago.  If I had to figure out how to provide people a brief overview of who I was, this INFJ description would be something I would start with.  So, here you go.  This is more or less, some part of me.

 

what a year.

I CANNOT believe I made it.  The end of a whole year and I am still standing--a feat I wasn't so sure I'd achieve a few months ago.  I ended my year with my last retrospective essay, tying both semesters and everything I had learnt so far.  It was a difficult yet satisfying endeavour that, in short, made me feel so blessed to no end with everything in my life and where I am at present. Thank you, God.

May 8, 2014

I began my journey at Hampshire with an extremely broad interest: people. The classes that I took throughout the two semesters brought out many ways of looking at people that I had not seen or did not expect to see.

Adolescent Development was a good tutorial class that introduced me to academic life in college as well as a taste of what psychology was. I found ideas surrounding identity development and psychopathology to pique my interest.  I hope to delve back into psychology (perhaps dabbling in developmental or cognitive psychology) to gage how I would find them at present.

How People Learn has had a huge impact on my direction of study. Coming from an exam-oriented education system and being introduced to many new educational theories of cognition and instruction, I found myself drawing connections to life experiences and being emotionally-invested in the class readings, discussions, and reaction papers. At first, I was frustrated at why many of these ideas seemed nonexistent outside of Hampshire. Diving deeper into the topic, I started to gain better insight at how many educators have already been working hard on bringing these theories into the classroom. The climb was steeper than I thought, especially when financial, socioeconomic, racial, and political setbacks entered the picture. Being part of Hampshire's unique educational pedagogy increased my preexisting drive and curiosity to dive deeper into what goes into the design of learning environments—socially, emotionally, culturally, and academically. This changed my entire perspective on what I thought education was. A lot of these new ideas of metacognition, improved ways of assessment, social and emotional learning, different learning styles, and transfer have not seen the light of day in many schools. 

The more I read about the endless education inequity in my Getting to College class, the more I found myself willing to contribute ideas to classroom discussions—a step forward from my first semester. There are so many aspects surrounding this field that I wish to explore and bring to the community; theories that can be strongly utilised to improve education equity. I am considering diving deeper into the ideas of inclusion in schools, the dynamics of race in a classroom (multicultural education), and maybe even special education. Communication disorders have been something that has struck my interest since the fall but I have yet to take a class that explores this complex issue, culturally and scientifically, to better gage where I stand in this. Organising my first workshop for A Day at Hampshire College as part of my class has reminded me of my love for kids and the surprising ways they inspire me. It has made me seriously consider dealing with more youth-related work to see how far I can take this. I have also been thinking about the connections I have and can make with the youth in Malaysia. However, with a context rather different from the U.S., I do worry that it would be hard to find classes that can help me understand the context of the children in my home country better. Nonetheless, at the moment, I think it is best to learn as much as I can about the broad concepts and ideas surrounding education equity, racial and socioeconomic implications as well as what we can do to put theory into practice.

While I've had many discoveries in relation to the community, the personal growth that I have gained from the arts has been equally rewarding if not more. The journeys in my Dancing Modern and Introduction to Painting classes have oddly shared many of the same trajectories. I came into the classes with rather low self-esteem in my capabilities as an artist (in more than one sense of the word), thinking my abilities would not match up with the level of expertise of a college-level class. I guess part of the problem is that I came into the class with a fixed idea of what art was and how it should be executed. I was wrong. For dance, I came in with the impression that dance was heavily aesthetic and technical given my background in Ballet and Rhythmic Gymnastics. I walked away with a deeper understanding that dance (or art) was not something you could fit into one box. My favourite discovery was that meaningful dances were the ones that could tell authentic stories—those that came from a genuine place and went beyond technical and aesthetic value. Daphne introduced me to a whole new world of dancing from a very raw and genuine place: the heart. I learnt a lot about how different dance styles can represent a culture—every movement and gesture can be a story that defines a community or the way of life of an entire generation at the time. 

For art, I came into class wanting to paint realistically thinking that it was the only “good” way of painting. I credit my art professor, Andrea for successfully changing my mindset entirely on what a good painting is. She relentlessly did everything in her power to get me to paint over pieces, challenge the use of colours I used, and stop caring too much about how mainstream ideals of beauty may influence my work. I remember instinctually painting a human body with three different colours in frustrated response to her repeated comments on how I wasn't taking enough risks. I recall her looking at it for a while and then saying to me, “Andrea, you have such great eye for colour. But sometimes, how come you don't show it?” I started the class trying to fit into the only mold I thought existed and walked out of it realising that I had the freedom to create my own mold or try on different ones. It has drawn me to explore my identity and establish my own unique voice in art and dance—looking into future classes in choreography and abstract painting. If I were to think of it within the context of psychology and education, I think I have discovered art and dance to be tools I could use in order to listen, hear, communicate, express, and understand the stories and emotions of people. Arts integration, art therapy, and dance therapy have all been areas I am interested in learning more about.

one of the most satisfying pieces (to me), so far.

My skills in signing and communicating using American Sign Language (ASL) has improved throughout the year. The interactions I have had with the Deaf communities in various settings have been humbling and they have been very patient with my slow signing pace. As we endeavour to petition for an ASL 3 class, I look forward to be able to take this class when Hampshire offers it. But more importantly, learning about Deaf culture has made me more culturally sensitive and empathic towards people from very diverse backgrounds. These simple but very human lessons extend to my Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) class in which my instructor and TAs, who range from firefighters to paramedics, inspire me every week. I have learnt a lot not only as a student, but a person having to deal with people in a wide range of scenarios. The sincerity I have found in the people who do this work have inspired me to apply what I have learnt as a future EMT, as nerve-wrecking as that thought can be.

My Campus-Engaged Learning (CEL-1) activities in wellness have taught me the importance of a supportive community which I hope to share as an International Student Orientation Leader during the fall. My participation in the Winter Dance Concert as well as a dancer in the Bare Bones Dance Concert at Smith College has reminded me why I love performing arts in the first place—the adrenaline rush before and during the performance, the rapport you forge with the entire team of dancers and crew, as well as the little moments in preparation for the show where you see such dedication and commitment that inspire you to be better at what you love to do.

Us, in our unattractive shorts but it's okay coz the dance was worth it.

In short, I began my journey at Hampshire with a keen interest in people and I ended my first year at Hampshire with a whole flurry of colours presented to me within the study of people. In my first semester, I grew invested in the power of the arts as a means of communication and expression of emotions, stories, identities, and even cultures. In my second semester, I uncovered another gem: education and found countless connections with the arts and psychology. I became the most emotionally-driven and invested I have ever been in causes of education inequity and oppression of people who may differ from the majority in any way. Both semesters have presented me with the multi-faceted aspect of what it is to be human through the arts, dance, psychology, education, language, and medicine. Moving forward, I hope to dive deeper into education and psychology, perhaps with a focus on human development. I hope to continue improving my skills in the arts, dance, and languages in order to reach out to people of as many diverse backgrounds as possible.

Excited for the journey ahead,

The human Side of Becoming an EMT

Learning to be an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) was the most harrowing, life-changing, and inspiring class. Ever.

October 2013

The content structure was something I wished I had for my high school science classes just because of the amount of hands-on and applicable concepts it has.  It was slightly daunting because I always think about the material as something I'd use to treat an actual human being which adds to the importance of getting it right.  Nonetheless, it has made me rediscover my love for adrenaline-fueled moments and really being in contact with people.  I personally enjoyed the very human side of learning to be an EMT the most; listening to the instructor tell us very human and non-textbook accounts of treating patients, I found myself burning with much desire to actually make the most of what I learnt in order to sincerely help these people.  I think I came into this class anticipating a heavy workload, which is what I got, but with it, I found myself intensely drawn to these human connections, stories, and lives that you find on the job that all of the workload--biweekly exams, weekly practical skills assessments--become worth it.

December 2013

Coming into the EMT class, there were a lot of things I did not know. Being an international student, it was even more foreign to me but the fact that college or even high school students were given the opportunity to help people in the capacity of emergency medicine (even if just partially) was enough to draw my intrigue to this class. I was fascinated by the idea of being able to acquire skills in helping people in emergency situations even if we did not intend to take the pre-med route in college. My starting goals were basically just to learn and absorb as much as I could—the topics covered seemed relevant to anyone and valuable for future knowledge in various settings. Furthermore, I was under a full scholarship funded by the Hampshire College Emergency Medical Service (HCEMS) which was the only way I was able to take the class—a driving factor that reminded me to keep giving my best and got me excited to actually be on the EMS squad for my college campus in the coming years. Over the course of the semester, I gained many real and human insights of what EMTs do. My slightly narrow views on the heroic and glorified image of an EMT shifted to one of continual respect but acknowledging the incredibly selfless, arduous, and sometimes not always positive experiences that I was so quickly to assume. I learnt that there will be EMT calls that aren't medically-related but one in which callers just needed someone to talk to. I learnt that there would be calls of child abuse and possible weapon use on scene that will challenge your decision-making as you struggled with the restrictions of the law, sometimes having you to ask for consent from adults you didn't think have the right to give them. I also learnt that as noble and earnest as my intentions are to help or save everyone, we cannot save everyone. And there is a part of my perfectionist self that felt it unsettling to even think of that but I knew, the more I learnt from Sandee and her stories, that what EMTs could give were their best, and being human, there will be mess ups but we keep on going. Because that is what we can do.

On that note, I feel this lesson of resilience and perseverance in the face of struggles and factors that are out of our control has been the main lesson I have gained from this entire class. This is because it has been a lesson that has managed to find it's way academically (in the weekly or biweekly exams I had to study for in addition to the other three classes I had), emotionally (embracing the fear of failing in the skills stations and exams because it takes practice and persistence), and personally as I tried to avoid beating myself up over trivial slip-ups in grades and practical skills. I can say (and probably all my friends and family that have been with me throughout this semester can also say) that the EMT class took up an enormous part of my time and basically, my life. Coupled with the three other reading-intensive classes I took, there were several points in which work load was overwhelming and it did take a toll in my performance in class. However, the feeling of satisfaction and immense joy in learning about emergency care and thinking about using these skills to help people in the future was too strong that it kept drawing me back for more. I soon realised that my passion and my eagerness to see all this practiced in my life outweighed all the turbulent times I had.

Thankfully, I did emerge out of it (a miracle, I say) with an increased sense of resilience and perhaps a greater insight of my strengths, weaknesses, and work ethic to inform my future decisions in managing time and course selections. Watching and learning from the many teacher assistants (TAs) that were utilising their EMT skills, be it on the college campus, as a firefighter or as a paramedic, has been an inspiration. This class has increased my already high respect for the people in this workforce on their selflessness, professionalism, calm, and resilience in and outside the classroom.

I look forward in using the vast amount of skills and lessons I acquired as I take my NREMT exam and start my journey as an EMT shadow on my college campus. My goal in taking this class was, in essence, to gain another way in which I could listen, understand, and help people—something I hope to continue in my future endeavours at Hampshire. Incredible.

Listening Even More

American Sign Language 2 has been a great continuation from my previous class.  I discovered more than I thought I would the second time round--the intricacies of the Deaf world just became more pronounced and I am aching for ASL 3.  Fingers crossed (toes as well).

May 2014

Coming in with some foundational knowledge on Deaf culture and American Sign Language (ASL) from ASL 1 class, I took this course to continue my efforts to gain fluency and receptive skills in ASL.  Class this semester has only strengthened my love for ASL and the uniqueness of it being a language nuanced in facial expression, symbols and gestures—nothing like any other language I had learnt before.  I guess I was also a bit unsure of what I wanted to use this skill for.  I was definitely intrigued and interested at the idea of considering a career or part-time job in interpreting but I had qualms about access to interpreting education in my country, Malaysia.  Nonetheless, I took this course in spite of my indecision because I had fallen in love with the language too much to not expand it further.  If ASL 3 is offered at Hampshire College in the future, I would continue my studies in ASL in a heartbeat.

In terms of performance, I do believe I have improved in speed and comprehension in comparison to the first time I started signing.  The novels were a huge part in forming my understanding of ASL—it was one of my favorite parts because it pushed me further to not just learn how to communicate but to learn why we communicate in certain ways and to understand all the intricacies of a culture different from mine.  It is this social and emotional component of the language class that kept me coming back for more and always excited to come to class.  The range in perspectives of the content in the novels were wider than the previous class. At first, it challenged my lack of empathy towards people who opted for cochlear implants but it  slowly made me realize that the Deaf world was as diverse as the hearing world—there was more than one school of thought and there are so many different stories that make it impossible to categorize Deaf people into one box.  I have come to learn to respect diversity and try to always look at the issue from perspectives different from my own before passing judgement.

Overall, it has been such a pleasure taking this class from a professor that seems to embody all the lessons I have grown to learn from this class—the respect, patience, persistence, and understanding Ruth shared with us students, I believe, does not just speak for her as a person but as what the bridge between the hearing and Deaf world should look like.  I hope to carry all these values into my future studies in educational psychology and inequity because differences among people in terms of communication, expression, and learning abilities will always exist even beyond the classroom.  But it is my hope to keep on bridging the gap in order for everyone to achieve their greatest potential—be it in ASL or education.

Colours I Did Not See

"Colours of Me" was a workshop I designed for my Getting to College class.  It really made me seriously consider working with youth as a career--it left that much of an impact on me.  Never had I anticipated being able to run a workshop for these amazing kids.  I was forever inspired by them.

May 2014

It was my first time facilitating a workshop that I created for underrepresented youth or kids who may have had different cultural backgrounds from me. I designed my workshop around the ideas of social and emotional learning (SEL). The workshop was mainly aimed at getting kids to think about their identities and stories as they saw it. 

They were to trace their bodies on a large sheet of paper and use whatever way of artistic expression to represent their answers to four questions: What keeps you grounded? What is close to your heart? What are you holding on to? What do you strive for? In this way, they would be exploring the key areas highlighted in SEL while reflecting metacognitively on their identities and experiences. It was my hope that it may have sparked some thought about the future, how they could use their talents and strengths to achieve their goals and perhaps consider college. 

The M&M icebreaker had everyone passing around different-coloured M&Ms that represented one of the four questions in the workshop. It ended up being very insightful and encouraging for the kids to indirectly think about their cultural wealth. 

 I recall one boy talking about wanting to be a professional cartoonist and thinking that he had a talent that could be further honed in high school. He also mentioned that he was deeply affected by bullies during middle school which reminded me of the sociocultural factors that influence the social-emotional needs of Latino immigrant adolescents (stuff I learnt in class). 

This was his piece

Another insightful sharing was from a Latino Hampshire College student who was one of the mentors at the workshop; he proudly stated that he was striving to graduate from college because he would be the first person in his family to do so. This was followed by an applause all around the room and I think it was a moment that said a lot of things. First, the importance of familial involvement and the importance to get mentors or role models this targeted group of kids can identify with.

There were also a lot of challenges I faced which is a good resource to encourage critical discussions on this. In retrospect, I realised that I could have been more culturally sensitive towards the group of students I was anticipating. Many of them were shy and some were less willing to participate in the activity. One of the reasons may be because they feel uncomfortable putting themselves out there, especially when they heard about an art exhibit at the end which required them to expose a bit about themselves. Furthermore, there were several language barriers—very slight ones but good things to notes for the future. I did feel rather helpless because I had the desire to help and connect with the students in whatever way I could but it was difficult when they started speaking with their friends in another language—it added to the already reserved nature of some kids. A mentor also commented that perhaps the vocabulary I used in the questions I presented could have used more simple vocabulary. It made sense, looking back, to always consider accommodating English Language Learners. Another broad challenge would be to keep the kids engaged throughout, especially the ones who were disinterested in the whole activity or isolating themselves from the group. I realised that reading about and criticising exclusion in the classroom is much easier than tackling it in real life when you have other students to handle and tasks to fulfill.

 Overall, I gained an immense amount of experience and learnt so much working with and listening to the stories of all the kids. I felt I grew in confidence in my creativity and in just having a little faith and courage to carry through the workshop plan as I have not led one by my self before. I felt my strengths were in planning ahead of time and designing activities that would keep the kids engaged to a certain extent. I found my weaknesses to be my inexperience working with underserved youth from mainly the Latino population and hence, the inability to anticipate certain barriers such as language, reservation in executing tasks, and some disinterest. I think this experience has really got me thinking about ways in which I could build better connections with the kids and attempt to understand and accommodate any differences or discomfort during the activity. I am definitely looking forward to learning and giving as much as I can in the coming years!

An unattractive picture of me smiling at a student's response.
My happiness outweighs my self-consciousness in putting this picture up.
Heh.

The Fight (with a lot of heart)

Getting to College taught me a lot about the different facets of educational inequity that I had not realised before.  Too many emotionally-fueled ideas, discussions, and thoughts were always boiling and waiting to get out every Friday morning during class and Thursday nights when I read the assigned articles and wrote my reading responses.  Just so much heart in this field that I found. Amazing.

February 2014

Going to College has, honestly, been a class I always looked forward to despite it being a Friday.  I think I came into the class without much expectation and am currently, enjoying the readings and the planning for A Day at Hampshire College very much.  This class made me rediscover my love for people and the stories that they had, the ones that made them who they are today.  I think this fascination and passion has translated into the workshop I decided to do that is aimed to get the kids thinking about their identities--where they come from, what are their passions, what/who is important to them and what do they strive for.  I think the focus on the underserved population has encouraged me to draw my own parallels with my multi-racial roots as a Malaysian as well as the complicated hierarchy of education back home.  I feel more informed about the various components that needs to be considered as an educator/mentor and how multi-faceted it is.  I have found the reading responses helpful in digesting my thoughts and I feel more comfortable in discussions this semester. I am definitely looking forward to learning and integrating more theories into practice during ADAHC and in future education-related efforts.

May 2014

I came into this class without too much expectation, especially it being one of my first classes in which social justice discussions were involved. Usually, I am not one who is drawn to critical discussions on social justice, however, this class was an exception. The topics we discussed around racial discrimination and education inequity seemed something I could feel passionately about. As an international student and having minimal background knowledge on higher education in America and history on the underrepresented communities, I was enlightened and rather shocked by the amount of disparity still faced by the minority groups in America. This class has constantly gotten me thinking about the education inequity in socioeconomically-poor regions in my country and the unequal access to government scholarships and local university spots for racial minorities. Although the circumstances may be slightly different, the passion and emotions that are triggered at the injustice or clear bias overall resonates across contexts. Instead of linking cultural deficit to underrepresented communities, we need to provide them the tools that they have not had the chance to attain in order for them to navigate the setbacks in life and achieve their greatest potential. I am interested in thinking about how the design of learning environments (social, emotional, and academic) can be instrumental against educational inequity.

My educational background is dominantly traditional and it has taken a while to get used to the more discussion-based classes. However, this semester, I do feel more comfortable sharing my ideas and comments on the issues discussed—it is easier to do so when the topics are something you are emotionally invested in. In truth, I always find myself engaged in the discussions whether it be listening to the conversation, formulating ideas and connections in my head or sharing my opinion with the class when I think it is valuable. I have attended all the classes and I have found my preparation for this class to be fairly consistent. The class had a fairly large reading load but the reading responses were something I thought helped me really flesh out my ideas and learn better as I processed my thoughts better through writing. Towards the end of the semester, I recall having some very busy weeks causing my reading responses to be less critical but other than that, I have always strived to find personal connections and form my perspectives on the subject at hand.

I feel there were so many reading responses which were quite easily written because I had a lot to say about the matter. In particular, I would say the week on identity development sparked my idea for the workshop which I invested a lot of thought into. The final paper definitely challenged the time I had to work on it, partly because of external factors (an overwhelming workload). Overall, most of the work that I struggled with weren't necessarily ones that I didn't put effort or interest into but rather, the assignments in which I had minimal amount of time to actually work on. Nonetheless, I still felt that I was equally invested and passionate about them throughout the process.

Overall, this class has sparked much passion that I didn't realise was that strong about educational equity and access. The experience from ADAHC has inspired me to keep reaching out to kids and taught me better on how to approach them as a mentor and educator in the future. I hope to explore this field deeper and try to find more connections to issues in my home country. Looking forward to learning and growing!

Rethinking Education (Like, a lot).

How People Learn was one of the two classes that made me SERIOUSLY consider education as something I want to do for the rest of my life.  Don't worry (or worry), I have not decided what I want to do for the rest of my life, quite yet.  But education, will always be a part of it.  This class had a lot to do with that decision.

May 2014

I came into this class with very little experience in the field of education aside from my educational experiences which I could say, apart from Hampshire, were more traditional. However, the very reason I chose Hampshire was deeply and almost solely rooted in its different educational pedagogy of narrative evaluations over letter grades and the focus on individual growth as opposed to cutthroat competition among peers—a decision that was considered the road not taken in mainstream education in general and perhaps almost unheard of in the educational circles of my home country, Malaysia. I also had the opportunity a few years back to participate in an exchange student program to America which I believe enabled me to gain the skill of examining two different world views, constantly striving to look at the big picture and value both sides where credit is due—an important tool that has transcended a lot of my reflections when thinking critically about education or even life. Hence, although I did not study education before, my experiences and decisions have always made me an enthusiast in improving how we learn and juxtaposing different ideas, theories, and practices. The more I engaged in this class, the more I realised the difference in perspective that I brought to the table as it has become the lens I try to include in addition to my Hampshire experience.

In the beginning, I shared the sentiments of many of my classmates as we became emotionally invested and passionate about a lot of the topics we discussed and enthusiastic about all the ideal learning environments proposed which we wished we had experienced. However, this soon turned into frustration because it began to dawn that this research wasn't exactly new but has been out to the world for many years. I began asking questions like why isn't anyone doing anything about these findings? Why have I not seen changes in schools, especially in standardised testing and better critical thinking skills in classrooms? It made me feel somewhat grateful to be at a special place like Hampshire—I never knew I could be surrounded by so many like-minded students who agree with a lot of my educational principles that I have struggled to explain to everyone else for so long. But this soon turned into me wondering what exactly all the education classes are teaching in all the other universities and the immense fear and sadness at the possibility that even the future educators and researchers may not be pushed to largely consider and think critically about all these powerful issues like metacognition, effective assessment, student-centered learning. Nonetheless, as the class progressed, I began to see the examples of many classrooms infusing these educational practices throughout the US. I began to see that the passion to bring these educational practices to school were shared by many educators and they are making progress. It is just gradual progress that is easier said than done especially with the countless political, economical, and hierarchical barriers which are in the way. Although I have come to see how steep the hill is, this class really has inspired me to believe that there is hope for better learning. It is a field I hope to expand my knowledge and skills on to see how far I can take it.

A lot of the educational practices we learnt were ideas I had thought of before and made perfect sense to me. Only now, they had names and terminology attached to them. For instance, I found the idea of focusing on the individual and really encouraging people to reflect on where they were at and where they were headed in education (metacognition) brilliant. It made me think of all the friends I had who struggled with self-esteem when they compared themselves to peers as opposed to their individual selves. We forget to realise that each student learns at a different pace and perhaps with a learning style preference. We need to stand up for the kids who are left behind--not because they are not smart but because of the reign of a one-size-fits-all system. This was one of the many connections I drew with another class I was taking on fighting educational inequity in which I knew these educational practices had the potential to benefit people from all kids of backgrounds, let alone underserved kids.

I was also largely intrigued by the ideas around assessment. Coming from a more exam-based educational system, I grew to only see the flaws in tests, some of which were true. However, as the class explored this topic more deeply and as I learnt to think more critically and objectively, I have grown to see how assessment isn't necessarily “bad.” I have grown to focus on the way in which you conduct assessments. It is reasonable to note that assessment is needed to gage students' learning for teacher as well as the student. I have learnt that the way we could improve the subject matter-based tests, that are usually conducted is by adapting it towards the goal of fostering critical thinking and application skills instead of mere rote memorisation. I also feel very positively towards the idea of actually involving the student in the process of designing, planning, learning, and even assessment because we need them to know why they are doing what they doing; at the end of the day, all that they do should ideally come from a genuine willingness to do it instead of doing it because “the teacher said so.”

The different learning preferences and styles that I discovered about myself made me think about the different ways we execute tasks or assignments. I am intrigued to learn more about how personalities and habits of learners can affect the learning process and whether there are better ones or are they just different—as educators, how do we accommodate them? I am also interested in the dynamics introversion and extroversion play in classroom discussions. Would we be able to effectively assess students who are not naturally inclined to speak up all the time? Does culture and our educational environments affect the educational practices that promote our optimal learning? Nonetheless, as with the study of multiple learning intelligences, I have also learnt that an educational pedagogy that encourages learners to adopt a variety of learning styles and preferences (not just the dominant one) does benefit the learners as it helps them improve in the areas they are weak in. For my case, I learnt a lot from the challenges in writing my final paper as well as speaking up during class discussions. Being a less outspoken person in addition to a more reserved cultural upbringing, it has been a challenge at times to adapt to a learning environment that I was only introduced to less than a year ago but in truth, I do see my self stepping up a little bit more in comparison to when I first began my studies at Hampshire. I look forward to learning and growing as I navigate these webs of different thoughts and cultures, not only as a student but as a human being!

Listening to the Deaf

American Sign Language 1 made me a better listener, as ironic as that sounds, in more ways than one.  It reminded me about the pretty and ugly parts of what it was to be human.

December 2013

From the beginning, I always had this fascination for American Sign Language (ASL) but never had the opportunity to take it, especially being an international student from outside of the United States. Some of the reasons why I decided to take this course in the first place was the idea of it being the only language that communicated visually and my intention to better understand the community closely associated with ASL—the Deaf. With every class I went to, however, my goals and interests expanded in ways I never would have imagined. I came into ASL thinking that it would look cool to communicate gesturally and master quick hand movements but came out of it realising how much more beautiful it was within the context of Deaf culture and the Deaf community.

I recall the first lesson in which the whole class discovered that we would be taught by an actual Deaf person and we would only be having an interpreter for the first class. That, in itself, raised a lot of questions in me—How would we communicate effectively? Would it be difficult to single-handedly teach a bunch of hearing college students?--but the professor's indifference to the challenges and her contagious enthusiasm in every class proved all of us wrong and has become an amazing inspiration and lesson for me about resilience, positivity and courage that the whole Deaf community shared. I also remember Ruth telling us about Deaf pride and how she was content and happy with how she was—an idea that some hearing people have struggled with because of the misleading idea of Deaf people having a disability. This expanded my interest to all kinds of communication “disorders” and learning “disabilities”--terms which Ruth pointed out—and I personally agree—were terms she didn't like and were better regarded as “differences.” I was also saddened by people's ignorance and I felt eager to make them understand that these communities were just as capable of living life, they just had a different way of doing and learning certain things. That doesn't make it wrong or make them less capable in living life to the fullest. Thirdly, I was drawn to one of the visitors invited to our class, a former student who went on to become a Sign Language interpreter—a field of study I am very interested in learning more about—that encouraged us to spend a semester or a summer at Gallaudet University which has evolved into one of my goals in the future. Hence, it was little moments like these in the classroom and during ASL lunches that shaped my understanding of the struggles and triumphs of Deaf people in a hearing world.

My final paper was about how ASL impacted early childhood development of the hearing and Deaf linguistically, cognitively, in their self-esteem, and communication. The research has fine tuned my direction of study on how people learn and communicate, especially those with communication or learning differences. And perhaps the role of the creative arts (art and dance) in serving as an alternative means of communication and expression for those who cannot or don't work well in verbal settings. I do feel, however, that I still need a lot more practice to communicate fluently in ASL and perhaps more exposure and immersion into Deaf culture to better my understanding.

In truth, I have found myself learning so much more in this class because of the different perspective we learn things by and for being a class that teaches us the most essential thing: how to be more human.