holding onto things

Sometimes you love something so much
you don't want to let it go.

Sometimes you love something so much
you let it go--
you let it go trusting that
when it catches wind in its glory and mystery,
it is beautiful and ugly,
it flies--laughing, crying, falling, trying,
and you realise that it is bigger than you.
And that it will always be bigger than me.
So I do the only thing I know how to:

Because it is love.

I fly with it.

*

Body and mind has been a little more unsettled these few days because of me contemplating life next semester and just dwelling on some decisions I should make. And I was reminded of this piece of writing I wrote before I flew back to the US this summer and it somewhat resonates with me today but maybe not till the very end yet--putting it here for me to dance with and make more sense of.

Loved Ones

People talk about wanting to spend those special moments with those they love and celebrate happiness together. But I feel like I don’t want just that. I also want to spend the bad, horrible, and disgusting times with you. I want to know how it feels like to get sick of you and be mad or upset with you. I want to go through failure or grief or loss with you together and figure out what does tension mean in our relationship. Because I want to learn how that feels like and how we can navigate that, not just alone in our angered and distant states that drive us apart, but in the moments of supporting and finding humility in ourselves and each other despite discomfort, in the times of change, strengths, and flaws we both possess, and emerging from it and deciding: do I/do we still want to do this together? As much as I may be upset, mad, or downright hate you in moments, maybe there is that ridiculous gut feeling--or feelings of the heart and mind--that I still want to hold your hand through it and fight these monsters together. It’s not going to be easy. But who said that fighting monsters were? Maybe it just takes an occasional reminder like this one to put things into perspective in all the adventures, decisions, and choices we CHOOSE to make. Or let go. And maybe that is okay too.

*

thoughts on love on a sleepy friday morn.

things that life, especially my kids at Wediko have made me realise what I feel so strongly about--values I twirl in my head when contemplating the complexities of life.