I Will Remember

LR: Where are you from?

Me: Well, I’m from Hampshire College in Massachusetts. But my home is actually Malaysia.

LR: Where’s that?

Me: It’s a country—somewhere in Asia.

LR: *pauses* Oh.

MB: I DON’T LIKE GIRLS.

Me: Hm. Is your mom a girl?

MB: *pauses* I’m not talking about ADULT girls.

Me: Oh, I see.

SO: Ms. Andrea, are you going to stay with us for the whole year?

Me: No, just for a month.

SO: Oh.

Me: Why?

SO: Nothing, just asking.

LR: Where are you from again?

Me: Malaysia.

LR: Huh?

Me: It’s a country in Asia.

LR: Oh.

I: Ms. Andrea, do you remember my name?

ZS: How old are you?

Me: 21.

AA: What did you teach last time?

Me: Oh, I’m actually still in college.  I’m studying Psychology and Education.

AA: Oh. (a bit confused)

Me: (realising her confusion) Well, I mean I did teach dance a while ago.

AA: Oh.

Me: But not in New York though.

AA: Oh.

MS: When did you say you’re leaving?

Me: June 23rd.

MS: (counts the days) Can you stay till June 26th?

Me: (didn’t really hear her) Sorry, what did you say?

MS: Um. Our last day of school is June 26th. It’s on a Friday. Do you think you could stay till Friday?

Me: Um. (thinks) Okay, maybe. I’m going to see if I can make it till then. I’ll try.

MS: Okay.

F: Can we come in? (to the classroom)

Me: Um. *hesitates* I think so…yea.

F: (senses my uncertainty) I mean, you’re the teacher.

Me: Right…

B: You’re not leaving yet right?

Me: Not yet, I’m leaving June 23rd.

ZM: No! Will you come back to New York? Will you come find us next time?

Me: Well, my college is in Massachusetts.  But…maybe for graduate school.  Maybe I’ll go for graduate school in New York (half consoling myself) Well, you guys are gonna be in different middle schools in the future… (heart is breaking at this point, realises ZM is upset) But…we can find a way to keep in touch! (even though I know it will be difficult)

ZM: Will you promise not to forget us!

Me: I won’t forget you guys if you guys won’t forget me!

ZM: (pauses) Wait…but how will you know?

Me: …Um…you don’t have Facebook yet, do you?

ZM: No…but I have Instagram!!

It’s these moments that I wonder how much of this will all of us remember in two, three, ten years time.  I am only a part of these kids lives for 1 month and they would probably go off to different places and do different things with their lives.  And the idea that I may not even be able to really have any contact with them after this is, truthfully, heart breaking for me.  Especially when I have a horrible time with goodbyes. I’m still processing all this so hopefully, I’ll figure it out.

JB: YAY!! Ms. Andrea’s coming on the trip with us!!! *hugs me*

B: Wait, you’re not leaving this week are you?

Me: No, I have two more weeks.

B: Okay.

MS: (same girl as last time) Can you leave on the last day, Friday? PLEASEEEEEEE.

Me: Um. Well, my last day is supposed to be on Wednesday. And I have to catch a bus on Friday…

B: (still hopeful) What time?

Me: (sighs) In the morning…

B: Oh…

Me: But I'm going to try and come on Thursday. (MS continues pouting) It's just one day. I really can't miss my bus... (sorry)

ZB: Wait, you’re leaving?

Me: In two weeks.

ZB: What? No, don’t go! Stay longer!

Me: I wish I could.

ZM: Ms. Andrea, are you going to be a teacher next year?

Me: Next year? (laughs) Well, I’m still in college.  I have two more years to go.

ZM: Oh.

Me: (hesitates) But maybe next time.  Maybe next time...I will be a teacher...

ZM: Really??!! You should be a teacher!!!

Me: Hm…I dunno. I don’t know if I’ll be a good teacher.

ZM: What? You’ll be great teacher! For a second there, when you were talking, I thought you were Ms. R.

Me: Oh (tries to conceal blush). You think I’ll be a good teacher?

ZM: Yea! I think you’ll be a great teacher!

Me: Thanks, Z. (I hug her)