Snowy Roads

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;”

It snowed today. And it looked pretty beautiful. And sometimes I forget that. I am grateful to have friends and family from home that still share that novel feeling towards snow that brings me back to appreciating it. I think being in the US after a while and going through the motions (of college and work especially), I took winter or snow for granted or even dreaded it at times because of the biting chill the extreme cold can bring. I still don’t particularly enjoy that severe cold, but I think this year, knowing I will be leaving this country in a year or two, has given me a renewed outlook or perspective on it. It doesn’t become too much dread or negativity but rather, a feeling of wonder and appreciation towards nature and the intriguing idea of having four seasons in a year. 

In Malaysia, I grew up with basically one season, summer. And it was comforting to have a constant in that way. In the US, it was fall and then winter and then spring and then summer. Just as I was settling down to the norms of one season, it would switch to another and the transition would begin again. And when I wanted it to switch out from winter, it stayed longer than expected in the interesting New England weather. It forced me to adapt or attempt to adapt to change, whether I was ready to or not, whether I wanted to or not. 

It also funnily is a good metaphor of my mental headspace and journey adjusting to change in myself, the people around me, the places I was in—in America, in Malaysia, and in the world. For a girl who was so used to no change and conditioned for consistency, I was sent on a tumbling adventure of constant change and unpredictable weather (in more than one way). At times, I adapted. Other times, I struggled—actually, most of the time, I struggled. 

But that was the beauty of it, right? The beauty of a true adventure and rocky road—because I never really saw what was coming. That was a big shift to accept for a girl who sought comfort in structure and getting ample time to plan for the future. 

So, I guess this in-the-moment post is me reflecting on the past four years of my life in what once was completely unfamiliar land. It is still unfamiliar at times but like all homes, different aspects grow on you and you learn to find home in this new place in your own way. 

I guess I want to celebrate, as well, how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown even in the aspects I have yet to see in myself. The road less taken was a road I chose to take and it has pushed me to grow, change, and challenged me to death. But somehow, by the grace of my heart, God, whatever one wishes to call it, I am still here—still trudging, and sometimes dancing, in the snow. And I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and make my own way, whether in snow, dry land, rainy weather, monsoon, or a blizzard. 

I am happy, grateful, and feel blessed for the strength, wisdom, and vulnerability I have been able to have and continue to carry with on this road less travelled by. 

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”